Top Posts Tagged with #about love and betrayal and failure and guilt | Tumlook (2024)

It was not my intention to reference it, but I can certainly see the parallels! I think it's quite incredible how everything exists in synchronicity with the other. TAOLAW is something formed from a deeply personal place, a conversation I am having with myself, woven from parts of myself and my family history and metaphors I find effective and moving. Harry, for example, has elements of my grandfather on my dad's side, who landed in Normandy on D-Day. If he hadn't dodged the bullets by diving into the water to save the already-dead man in front of him, he wouldn't have returned from the war, and my father never would have been born and neither would I. The fickle nature of fate was something I then illustrated through Harry and Georgie. How one man "gets" to live and the other doesn't, solely as a result of circ*mstances that are bigger than them and beyond their control. Yet this abstraction of a family story also exists in concert with All Quiet and with other works on the topic, all of which forms a rich tapestry of the human experience.

A comforting thought for a writer who fears being a derivative hack like yours truly...

As for how Harry would feel about the book, I don't think he would be able to get through it once it gets published two years out from the setting, for the same reason I have to avoid certain triggering media. It would get too real. Open up a wound that's too raw to touch with bare hands, or even ones gloved by fiction. Harry's attitude to the opposing side will be explored further later on. What I can say is, I think he would appreciate the work for what it says, even if he wouldn't be able to safely engage with it himself.

I think it would be Joe who would fully engage with the work. It would do the thing that Harry doesn't have the in-built tools to do: to tell him what the war was like in frank and certain terms.

Bubbles and battle wounds

Prompt: Astarion comforts you after a bad day featuring a bathtub.

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader

Words: 1.3k

Tags: fluff, hurt/comfort.

The day had been brutal, filled with never-ending battles against a seemingly endless enemies. Karlach, Wyll, Gale and yourself had fought tirelessly, your bodies pushed to the brink of exhaustion and beyond. But even during such chaos, there was one failure that weighed heavily on your mind - the gnomes at the factory who died despite your best efforts. The guilt gnawed at you relentlessly as you stumbled back to the Elfsong Tabern, your body battered and bruised. You didn't even have the strength or will to say goodbye to the rest of your companions before heading to Astarion's bed. The elf lies stretched out on the bed, with his eyes glued to a book. Despite this, you know that he is still aware of your presence as he raises a brow.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? Looks like someone's had quite the day," he says with a sly grin. "Do tell me all about it. Who did you fight? Did you put up a good fight?"

He slowly sits up on the bed, his gaze traveling up and down your body before finally resting on your face. His expression shifts from curiosity to concern as he takes in your appearance. Your legs tremble uncontrollably, a clear indication that something is seriously wrong.

“I-I need a bath,” you say, on the verge of tears.

He gets up from his bed and walks over to you, placing a hand on your arm to steady you with preoccupation etched on his face. "Of course, my dear. Let me help you," he says, his voice soothing and comforting.

You quietly make your way to the bathroom, and you feel like in a daze. Astarion's arm is securely wrapped around your waist as he supports your trembling body. Every step feels like a struggle, so you are grateful for his assistance. The room is small but cozy, with a large tub taking up most of the space. A faint smell of lavender fills the air, calming your nerves slightly.

Without a word, Astarion begins to run a bath for you, carefully adjusting the temperature to your liking. He then gestures for you to sit on the edge of the tub as he helps you out of your armor and clothes. He seems to be searching for any wounds on your body, but doesn't seem to find anything too serious. You feel vulnerable and exposed under his gaze, but also comforted by his familiar presence.

Once you are fully bare, you get into the bathtub, hugging your knees to your chest and sobbing slightly. He also undresses and gets in the tub behind you, having you between his legs. Your mind is filled with images of the battle you just fought, and the guilt and pain are overwhelming.

After a few seconds, you feel his hands on your back, gently massaging and washing away the dirt and grime from your skin. His touch is tender and soothing, making the tension in your body slowly melt away. You lean into his touch, grateful for his presence.

"Do you want to talk about it, my love?" he finally asks in a gentle voice, breaking the silence.

You shake your head, tears now falling freely down your face. "I couldn't save them," you say between sobs. "They trusted me and I couldn't save them."

He leans forward and wraps his arms around you from behind, pulling your body close to his chest. You feel his familiar cold and soft skin, slowly calming your racing heart. "It's not your fault," he whispers in your ear. "You did everything you could."

But you can't help but feel responsible. You had promised to protect them, and yet they fell in battle while you survived. It feels like a betrayal of their trust in you. You sigh, laying your head on your knees again. He starts massaging your hair and scalp and you feel the tension start to leave your body, as the water around you both turns brown with blood and grime.

"You don't always have to be strong for others," he whispers softly. "It's okay to let yourself grieve."

You nod slowly, letting out a shaky breath. The sobs come out in full force now, racking your body with each wave of pain and sadness. Astarion holds onto you tighter, whispering words of comfort as he lets you cry it out. Eventually, your tears run dry and you lay there spent and exhausted.

As Astarion continues massaging your scalp, he notices the water turning brown with grime and blood. He frowns slightly.

"Let me take care of this," he says softly before pouring some fresh water into the bathtub to replace the dirty water.

You watch him silently as he steps back in, and resumes carefully washing your hair, his touch gentle and soothing. The newly warm water and the smell of soap lull you into a state of relaxation, and you close your eyes.

"You have beautiful hair," he comments, running his fingers through the strands.

You open your eyes and turn to look at him, surprised by his words. "Thank you," you say softly.

When he is finished, he pulls you back toward his chest, embracing you. He nuzzles his nose against your cheek affectionately before pulling back slightly to look into your eyes. "Even with bruises and blood, you manage to be the most captivating sight I've ever beheld," he says sincerely.

Turning around in his embrace, your arms instinctively wrap around his neck, pulling him closer as you hold on tightly, hugging him in response. Astarion's hands move from your hair to your back, caressing your skin gently. He leans in and presses a soft kiss against your shoulder, his lips lingering for a moment. "You truly are a wonder, my dear," he whispers, his voice filled with sincerity. "Even amid chaos and despair, your spirit remains unyielding. It's no wonder I am utterly infatuated with you."

His words wash over you like a balm, soothing the ache in your heart. With Astarion by your side, the weight of the world feels just a little lighter. Leaning against Astarion's chest, you let out a contented sigh. "Thank you," you whisper softly. "For being here."

His arms tighten around you, pulling you impossibly closer. "You don't have to carry it all alone," he murmurs against your ear. "Lean on me when you need to. I'll always be here to catch you."

A small smile tugs at the corners of your lips. You reach up and brush a strand of hair away from his face, your fingers lingering against his cheek. "You should lean into me too," you whisper, feeling a sense of hope blossoming within you.

He smiles softly before leaning closer and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss is gentle yet filled with unspoken emotions. You feel yourself melting into him, reveling in the warmth and safety he provides. Astarion brushes his fingers against your cheek before pulling away. "Let's get out of this grimy water," he says with a smirk, offering you a hand to help you stand up.

Astarion helps you out of the bathtub and wraps a soft towel around you before grabbing one for himself. You both dry off quickly and he leads you to the bed, where he hands you one of his clean shirts.

"Put this on," he says, handing it to you. "We can't have my dear hero looking like a ragamuffin."

You take the shirt from him with a smile, and slip it over your head, reveling in his lingering smell on the piece. Astarion watches you with a smile, clearly pleased with how you look in his clothes.

"Mmm, you're finally looking presentable," he purrs, raking his fingers through your damp hair. "Now, let's get some rest. We have a full day of scheming ahead of us."

You nod in agreement and climb onto the bed, snuggling into the soft blankets. Astarion joins you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close to him, as his fingers gently trace soothing circles on your back. As you drift off to sleep, you can't help but feel grateful for having Astarion by your side. Despite all the chaos and danger surrounding you both, he brings a sense of peace and comfort that you never knew was possible.

desitel feelings / love timeline (2 me)

DEAN:

immediate attraction in s4 (hello he has eyes!)

s4 - 5, going from allies to friends, crushing hard and shooting his shot / flirting, but all of it goes over cas's head

s6 betrayal / cas's s7 death: when he starts realizing that the way he feels abt cas is Different and More than just a crush / friendship. bobby and sam not reacting the same way to cas's betrayal and death really starts to get the gears turning. then when bobby dies, dean also realizes his grief over cas is different from his grief over bobby. (also the keeping his coat, carrying it with them in every new car all throughout s7. like that man was in Love-love.)

s8: purgatory solidifies dean's feelings. all dean can think about for a year is finding cas, saving cas. he prays to him every night. his mind is just a skipping record of cas, cas, cas. i think by this point he's accepted his romantic feelings for cas. and by the end of s8 he was ready to tell cas how he felt in the crypt. he changes "love" to "need" (which imo is MORE insane and vulnerable actually) and then dean perceives cas's actions after the crypt as a rejection of dean's feelings). meanwhile, cas has not yet even realized his own feelings for dean are romantic love yet, more on that in a minute.

s9 - s12 imo are dean grappling with the fact that his love is unrequited and trying to live with that and maybe move on (drowley summer of love).

s13 -s14 : first the widowers arc of it all. dean realizing no matter what, cas was IT for him. there's never going to be anyone else for him. he doesn't want anyone else. dean accepting that cas is effectively his life partner and he's fine with them staying platonic (bc he still thinks cas doesn't feel the same way). dean stops hooking up. dean is content with the family unit they have made for themselves.

s15: dean grappling with the knowledge of chuck's manipulation over the years. dean questioning what's even real ("is his love for cas even real?") cas asserting that they are real. divorce arc. destiel miscommunication at its finest. dean once again thinking cas doesn't care for him the way he cares for cas. dean nearly losing cas again in purgatory and deciding to put his heart on the line (was going to confess before cas cut him off). then---cas's "i love you." dean overwhelmed in the moment. dean still not sure what cas's words mean until cas is taken by the empty and he processes the speech and declaration. and then he realizes--cas was in love with him. it was mutual. they could've had it. they could've been together for years. the one thing they both wanted---

CAS

immediate attraction in s4 (hello he has eyes! many eyes in fact!)

s4 - 5: going from allies to friends. cas remembering what it's like to FEEL again ("for the first time") after his millionth lobotomy. dean re-awakening those feelings, both for humanity at large and for dean specifically. but cas doesn't have a name for these feelings yet. he attributes them to his bond with dean / assumes most people feel like this about dean.

s6 - 8: cas largely still attributing his feeling for dean to their unique bond. cas putting the mission first. cas also dealing with his own guilt over his failures. not a lot of time for him to process his feelings for dean.

s9: cas has his italicized "oh" moment. i think it's a combination of being human and for the first time all the angel stuff isn't there, he can't attribute his feelings to their "bond." he's rooted in his body for the first time, really in-tune with his physical reactions too. i think early s9 is when he starts to realize his feelings for dean are different but he's still not quite putting a name to them. then metatron calls him out on those feelings (his snarky knowing "he's in love...with humanity") and then dean dying really solidify cas's feelings. he is now aware.

aaaaaand then s10 - 12 is him grappling with those feelings at the same time that dean is really starting to accept that cas doesn't feel the same and is trying to accept that they'll be nothing but platonic and move on. so that's why you get stuff like dean calling cas their "brother" (he's trying to be ok with this) while cas looks sick to his stomach bc he is just now really accepting and processing the fact that he's in romantic love with dean. gotta love that classic destiel miscommunication, never being on the same page at the same time.

by s13 he's accepted he's in love and is now thinking it's one sided and this is all they'll ever be. he's also still kinda avoiding it all throughout the later seasons, putting the Mission first again, leaving more often, focusing on jack stuff. really just putting his feelings on the back burner.

then s15. just like i said in the dean bullet point, the divorce arc stuff is more classic miscommunication. cas so badly wants dean to ask him to stay. dean so badly wants cas to stop leaving. they both need to just have one good conversation about all of this. anyways, the "i love you." truly i think mr. avoidant cas would have continued to keep his feelings for dean to himself perhaps forever, had it not been a life or death situation where he realized telling dean his feelings would trigger the empty deal. but he does tell him. and my personal headcanon is that when he does tell him he gets hit with a wave of feeling from dean (along with the love in his eyes) that basically confirms to cas that dean actually has felt the same way all this time. and also, i think cas has partially known for a while but let his own self doubt and insecurities convince him that dean couldn't possibly feel the same.

Additionally: i do enjoy another late seasons variation, where BOTH of them have a mutual awareness of each other's feelings, but they both let insecurities and circ*mstances convince them it's not the right time, or they don't deserve to have this. they keep putting off talking abt this thing between them because there's always another apocalypse or big bad. because saving the world always comes before their own personal desires and happiness. so they keep putting it off until it's too late, until there's no time left. by s15 they're both feeling desperate. it's the end. they both feel they need to say something. dean tries in The Trap. cas finally does in Despair. and then there's just no time left. it's over. they never got to have it. (YET. because their story ain't over!)

anyways, i'm multitudes girlie and can enjoy many different interpretations, esp in fics, but this is my main destiel + feelings interpretation for when i'm watching the show and engaging with canon.

TLDR: they both start Feeling things for each other immediately. dean realizes these feelings are romantic love and puts that name to them first around late s6/s7. dean Accepts these feeling around s8. while cas has his realization that these intense feelings are romantic love around s9. and accepts them at some point between s10 - 12ish.

Whump: The Musical Prompts!!

As stated before, this challenge will run from March 1- March 31, 2024. All fandoms are welcome to participate despite it being prompts based off of musicals. Once again, all types of media are allowed. This challenge has the standard "choose one for the day" style, but feel free to do all three prompts if that's what you want to do!! All types of whump are allowed, but please be respectful to your fellow audience members and properly tag it!! Some of these prompts are sensitive, so make sure you warn your readers correctly! There will be an ao3 collection and an FAQ post coming soon, so if you have any further questions or comments about this challenge, feel free to drop me a line. Happy writing, my beautifulingénues, and enjoy the show :)))

The prompts will be listed under the cut for those who have difficulty reading fonts!!

Cats- Sabotage • Second Chances • "I Can Dream Of The Old Days."

Wicked- Mob Mentality • Propaganda • "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished."

Jesus Christ Superstar- Whipping • Betrayal • "Then I Was Inspired, Now I'm Sad And Tired."

Les Mis- Survivor's Guilt • Failure • "Drink With Me To Days Gone By."

Heathers- Poison • Reluctant Whumper • "Wanna fight for me?"

Newsies- Chronic Pain • Exploitation • "Let 'Em Laugh In My Face, I Don't Care."

The Last Five Years- Infidelity • Gaslighting • "I Will Not Lose Because You Can't WIn."

Hadestown- Deals • Doomed Narrative • "Doubt Comes In."

Sweeney Todd- False Imprisonment • Razors • "Have You Decided It's Safer In Cages?"

Rent- Substance Abuse • Poverty • "Feels Too Much Damn Like Home."

Bare: A Pop Opera- Outing • Religious Trauma • "Please, See Me."

Waitress- Unplanned Pregnancy • Abuse • "She Is Broken And Won't Ask For Help."

Tick Tick Boom- Atychiphobia • Working To Exhaustion • "Is This Real Life?"

Dear Evan Hansen- Deception • Broken Bone • "Words Fail."

West Side Story- Star-Crossed Lovers • Prejudices • "A Boy Who Kills Cannot Love."

Come From Away- Stranded • Aftermath • "Blankets And Bedding And Maybe Some Food."

Spring Awakening- Withheld Information • Suicide • "I Don't Scream, Though I Know It's Wrong."

Hamilton- Hurricane • Dueling • "I Will Kill Your Friends And Family To Remind You Of My Love."

Falsettos- Sickness • Identity Issues • "Death Is Not A Friend."

Into The Woods- Blame • Lost • "Nothing But A Vast Midnight."

The Great Comet- Abduction • Letters • "Did You Love That Bad Man?"

In The Heights- Grief • Homesickness • "I Know That I'm Letting You Down."

Be More Chill- Mind Manipulation • Panic Attack • "Everything About Me Makes Me Want To Die."

Moulin Rouge- Class Differences • Sex Work • "Come What May."

Chicago- Cold Blood • Trial • "He Had It Coming."

Six- Execution • Trauma Bonding • "Playtime's Over."

Ride The Cyclone- Unexpected Tragedy • Forgotten Whumpee • "I Hear The Anguish Of The Street."

The Rocky Horror Show- Obsession • Wrong Place, Wrong Time • "I've Seen Blue Skies Through The Tears."

Nerdy Prudes Must Die- Bullying • Ritual • "Who Will Pray For You?"

Jekyll And Hyde- Duality • Good Vs Evil • "If I Die, You'll Die."

Phantom Of The Opera- Disfiguration • Shunned • "My Power Over You Grows Stronger Yet."

One thing I really like in Dead Boy Detectives is the use of blood/gore/horror. With a TV-MA rating, a show with horror themes is obviously going to have some blood and violence, and there are clear instances if this in DBD, but while it's definitely there, it's almost never gratuitous. That's because scenes like the Devlin murders or Maxine's death aren't really about those deaths, rather, they're about the characters' reactions to them and the way the story is shaped by them.

In the Devlin house, the camera focuses not on the girls being killed but on Edwin, Crystal, and particularly Charles reacting to their murders with horror, shock, and anger. The blood splatters in a meaningful way, rather than simply a horrifying one, over the TV and the popcorn and the younger daughter's stuffed rabbit, tarnishing the innocence of everything it touches. While the tragedy of the murders themselves are important, the main focus is Charles' reaction to them as a result if his own trauma. Showing the minutia of the killings would take away from that, so it simply isn't there.

Even Maxine's death, while definitely played off more for shock value than the Devlin murders, serves a purpose. Episode 5 focuses on the failure of romantic relationships, on betrayals from those you thought you could trust, and the Maxine subplot adds to that. It begs the question, who can you trust in this world? At the end of the episode, the answer we are given is your friends, your found family, because love will kill.

It seems to me that the blood in hell represents the guilt of those it touches - Simon's wounds heal when he forgives himself; Edwin loses the blood covering him after Charles turns up to rescue him (albeit by a horrifying cause); the people in the Lust room are drenched in blood and get it on Edwin when they try to drag him down. It's not just there to demonstrate the horrors of hell, but to brand its inhabitants.

There are lots of other examples. The blood when Niko dies is there obviously because that's what happens when you get stabbed, but also (in my opinion) as a visual callback to her saying that red is the color of courage. The cat king's bloody corpse and Monty's blood-splattered face show Esther's ruthlessness and disregard for anyone in her path. Lilith is covered in blood as a symbolic part of her character design. Everything serves a purpose, narratively or symbolically.

(The only example of gore that served no particular purpose that I can think of was in episode one when the WWI ghost drooled blood all over Charles' face, but it was the pilot episode and that whole scene was meant to be shocking, so it can be forgiven.)

Anyway, I really like the way they use blood in DBD, because it shows such a level of detail and care. I enjoy horror but not gore so much, and to me it's refreshing to see it used so tastefully and executed so well.

[chapter one] the secret history of anakin skywalker

captured

pairing : assassin! reader x anakin skywalker

word count : 1.8k

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sypnosis

you have only known one truth about this war, the republic and the seperatists are two sides of the same coin. but now, your master count dooku has disposed of you after your consequent failures. his betrayal fueled your thirst for revenge. and in the cruel twist of fate, you have found yourself with an arrangement with the enemy. general anakin skywalker is willing to do what it takes for the republic to win, even if it meant dealing with you, his nemesis.

chapter summary

your mission to secure umbara has failed. your master, count dooku would not have asked of anyone but you to deliver success. but as you stand amongst the pile of bodies of umbaran soldiers, the horror of your failure washes over you. and in the hopelessness of events, a jedi appears amidst the ashes of your city. one that did not hesitate to kill the jedi general krell despite his jedi order's honor.

tags : enemies-to-lovers, angst, hurt/comfort, mystery, espionage.

warnings : mentions of ptsd, mentions of abuse, war, mentions of a panic attack.

notes: centers around the same time of the clone wars season 4 episode 15

also, thank you all lovely people who have supported my first anakin fic here 😭, i'm very grateful for every interaction! so thank you for taking interest in this other thingy i have in the works. so without further ado, i hope you like it ! 🪽

likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated !

Your plan has failed.

You stood over the tower overlooking ashes left in the Umbaran capital city. The republic has won. Your plan failed.

Your breath becomes uneven, the terror lodging in your throat as the consequence of this failure starts to dawn.

Your master, Count Dooku, will not take this failure lightly. Because he swore that if you provide anything other than success, then you will be dealt with the price for it.

And now you stand in horror at the sight: the smoke of what was supposed to be your defense taunted you of your imminent future.

Umbara is a crucial route to supply the Confederacy of Independent Systems. A recent attack by the Republic has made Count Dooku send you, his second.

And you have lost it. Many systems have been starving from the tight supply lines that your cause still held and losing Umbara would send millions into more famine.

Your hand twitches. A reaction that fails to conceal your trauma. Your body, already bracing itself for the phantom pain that was yet to be inflicted.

You blinked.

Even from atop this tower, you could make out the scattered Umbaran soldiers that lay lifeless, covered in their own blood.

You try to fight the guilt pushing up your heart, Umbaran people have volunteered to defend their land when you insisted that droids are more expendable than lives.

Your mission was to defend Umbara. Count Dooku wouldn't have asked anyone but you. You were the only one he trusted to deliver success.

You were Dooku's second. His apprentice. He had taken you in when republic forces made the sky fall on your home planet of Hapes.

Your resentment for the Republic began there: from witnessing your home being burned down. Then, Dooku taught you of the Republic's hypocrisy. How they are so deluded by their righteousness and yet leads with violence and bloodshed.

He taught you how to defend yourself. He was the one that made you realize that the Republic is only seeking to reinstate their power over the galaxy, completely disregarding the sole intention that created the Confederacy for Independent Systems.

Dooku took you in. And you feel indebted to his teachings.

Under his care, you became familiar with his ruthless and unrelenting methods. He'd tell you it was because as his apprentice, you couldn't afford the luxury to fail. It made sense, then. If you aren't equipped to be sharp, you'll die from this war. But you'd take notice how sometimes he'd contradict what he preached to you to secure a win. You'd watch him make decisions you wouldn't really find yourself agreeing to.

But, you were convinced he was doing it for the Alliance. You had to adapt. This was a war. Dooku was once a Jedi, so he had to have known something you didn't. Saw something you didn't understand fully.

He told you how the Jedi Council had lost their way when they got involved in politics. Your younger mind was more malleable in believing everything your master said. He told you many things...

He taught you how to wield a lightsaber and directed you at the right targets, making you his most effective weapon.

You allowed it all because it was for the cause...

And Dooku was fierce in teaching you the price of failure. 'Many will suffer for your incompetence' he used to say as he struck you down with his power, making you writhe in pain that felt like being on the brink of death but never having the release.

It was to teach you a lesson, you once believed...

Your faith has crippled since then.

Your heart was telling you it was wrong. A master should never have to go to such extreme methods to teach you a lesson. But then again, how else can your master express the severity of your actions other than how he does? There are so many people that you'd allowed to get hurt. You deserve an equal measure of pain.

You have grown to know so many allied leaders, like Mina Bonteri, who only ever swore allegiance to the cause in hopes of salvation of their people. They weren't evil. They only ever demanded a change in the republic, and now they are branded as Seperatists.

That was what kept you from leaving. Because you have learnt that the Republic and the Alliance were two sides of the same coin; just as corrupt, just as cruel. The war will rage on until one succeeds the other. But either side seems to have been in the war enough to realize the blood being spilled.

Now, you stand over the grave of the people you failed to defend. People, not droids. People that fought to the end, believing in something they were willing to die for.

And you will have to face your Master's disappointment.

You didn't know what felt heavier.

A commando droid appears from behind. "A call from Count Dooku, General" It opens up its hands to reveal the holocommunication device.

Your blood runs cold. You feel your heart thump and thwack so rapidly, you thought it could burst out of your chest.

You swallowed your fear, knowing you can't delay this call. You placed the holocommunicator down and pressed it.

Count Dooku appears in front of you and you straightened your back, masking your expression.

His eyes burn on your skin as he takes a moment to apprehend you. You sensed his frustration despite the distance. Your hand twitches involuntarily.

"Have I fallen short to remind you the consequence if you'd lose Umbara, my student?" His voice remained in that unnerving monotonous tone you despised.

"No, Master" you answered, your nails digging through the skin of your palms.

Dooku doesn't blink; you grow horrified. Be angry, be disappointed, show me something, anything. You hear your thoughts plead. For his composed expression was much more terrifying.

"And you thought it more important to leave the task to the Jedi General Krell?" Dooku says through gritted teeth.

"I had to find a way to reduce our losses" You defend your actions. Conspiring with General Krell had been your idea. You decided it'd be the most efficient way to poison the enemy. Having someone crippling the system from the inside had proved itself effective for you then.

And at the beginning, General Krell had met his end of the deal. You managed to tip the scales of battle, enough to let Umbaran soldiers recuperate before engaging in another battle.

"Krell is dead. Your tactic is comprimised" Dooku announces.

You felt your heart skip a beat.

Somehow, you have always believed the Jedi would never sacrifice their honor in exchange for a win. When Krell went missing, you thought maybe they only had him captured, waiting for a jurisdiction by their holy Republic.

They must really be desperate...

"You have failed me for the last time."

Your eyes widened at the finality of your Master's words. Before you could protest, you felt the force constrict around your throat, lifting you off the ground and cutting the air from your lungs.

"Kill her" Dooku orders the commando droid. And you felt your heart sink. The holocommunication dies. And you slump to the floor.

Adrenaline surges through you, you draw up your lightsaber, distraught, shocked, as the betrayal seeps.

You swing your weapon through the commando droid and it falls down your feet.

You master... ordered for your death. Once you no longer served purpose to him, he abandoned you.

He wouldn't even do it himself.

You started panting, and you held on to the control board to support your weight— tears were flooding your vision, and it felt like everything you believed in, everything you fought for came crumbling down.

Your knees buckled and you stumble backwards. Your body, it betrays— it trembles, it becomes paralyzed by the fear. Your mind is no longer in control, no matter how much you willed for the hyperventilation to stop.

Then you hear the elevator click. You turn to your heel and find the jedi, Anakin Skywalker standing with his lightsaber drawn.

Krell is dead. Anakin Skywalker was here. You put two and two together. It was not the first time you encountered the General, he always led with his men at the frontlines. And he'd always find a way to you.

You'd meet his agile attacks, and stand your ground. You were quite the duelist too. Barely, you'd escape Anakin Skywalker. But you did, every time. You heard the Jedi think it was dishonorable to flee from a fight, but you knew you'd serve your cause better alive than dead. At least something good came from your rigorous training with your master.

He probably ordered Krell's death. Which would be forbidden for his Jedi Code. And before you could wrap around the thought, he was already stepping forward. If he is able to throw away his honor, then he's here to kill you too.

His eyes bore into yours— he looked like he was sizing you up. You felt irked by his arrogance.

"Umbara is under the Republic's protection now, you've no choice but to surrender, Wraith" Anakin calls you by the title conducted to you by your enemies, flicking his chin to move his hair away from his sight.

The Wraith. The shadow. Always lurking, but never significant enough to be acknowledged as the actual threat.

The corner of his lips curled into a cajoling grin "Or run away, I seem to recall you seem to excel in that"

Your breaths leave vapor as your felt your grief transform into something more ravenous. And without hesitating, you charged forward.

Anakin instinctively blocks your offense, his expression of bickering quickly replaced by seriousness. This... this was familiar.

You swung relentlessly, and full of weight. Skywalker receives your attacks and finds his way around it.

The initial adrenaline was depleting, and you felt your muscles atrophy, it was breaking dawn and you haven't had a moment of sleep. Then, in a moment you were recovering from the sloppy emotion-drawn attack, Anakin had deflected, taking offense and you struggle to regain footing.

The fact that he had been so much taller didn't help you. Because you relied on your agility, not endurance.

In a swift movement, Anakin fiends a strike and uses his knuckle to bend your wrist, making you lose your lightsaber to the ground.

You look up to the Jedi in disbelief. You felt his torso pressing on your chest as held up both your wrists over your head with his bionic hand. Fierce and unyielding.

His chest rises and falls, and the ghost of his breath warmed the skin on your forehead.

"It's over." He says, his grip tightening.

You saw the faint glisten of triumph in his eyes before he steps backward and clasps your wrists behind your back and handcuffing them.

You had thought your master's betrayal could be the worst thing you could face. But now, captured by this Jedi, you knew a lifetime rotting in Coruscant is... unimaginable.

Your mind caved in.

Somehow, death seemed like kindness now.

© to @cafekitsune for the borders !

omg i was just going through ur babel posts and i was wondering if u had any more details abt the cohortswap au, it looked super interesting! love ur art btw <3

HELLO. I AM SO SO MAD THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER BC I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK FOR MONTHS but i haven't had like a single free hour until now ANYWAY OF COURSE THANK U SM FOR TAKING INTEREST

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS AHEAD //

cohortswap is basically an au eren @chromathesia came up with where griffin and robin swap places in the story; robin is now the older golden child gone astray, and griffin is now the younger second failure. and the rest of the cohorts get swapped with them!

we have a lore doc that is like over 14 pages long but we are keeping the full thing under wraps for now because eren is writing a massive fic they don't want to spoil too early lmaooo

some foundational deets:

ramy still dies... so sorry. except in this case he and robin planned to run and leave babel for the hermes society together (the um. romantic eloping is implied but unfortunately i don't think either of them get a real chance to act on it), and they plan for victoire to stay behind to keep leaking information out to them. letty finds out and betrays them the same way; calling the cops and barging in with a gun and. yeah. except this time, because it happens outside their dorm rooms, robin manages to escape, and drags ramy's body across half of oxford to bury him in the garden of the old library. he is deeply deeply f*cked up from this

professor lovell doesn't die... so sorry. furious about robin's betrayal, he blames it on robin being corrupted by spending too long in his home country, and rips griffin out of china early. but he realises very quickly that griffin isn't fluent in chinese and can barely hold a candle to robin's talent. he never tells griffin about robin but very much takes it all out on griffin, who grows up feeling compared to a ghost his whole childhood. when he first meets robin it all clicks, and he can't help but resent his older brother for the hell he got put through

to save herself, victoire sucks up to letty, tells her that she almost got hooked by hermes and wants out and to put it behind them after everything, and letty is so desperate to believe it that she pulls all her strings to vouch for her and keep her safe. victoire remains at babel and she keeps working covertly with hermes under letty's nose. my comic was about letty and victoire first seeing griffin in babel, and mistaking him for robin. letty doesnt take it well lmao but also in her bullheaded stubbornness starts to treats griffin as her second chance to prevent robin's "mistakes" from happening again lollll

so that's like the general premise! here's some other fun deets:

robin is... severely depressed but is determined to follow through on hermes' work and not give himself an easy out like ramy implied. griffin is so desperately eager for more of hermes when he finds out, but robin keeps him at an arms' length for ages because he's literally been wanting to die for years and is not prepared or willing to have a little brother to look after now. they end up butting heads more often than not and it's a very strained relationship (as griffin and robin's relationship is in canon)

when griffin fails his silver-working test, it's because robin tries to help offhand by giving him a matchpair he came up with. griffin can't get it to work in the exam, but worst of all, chakravarti recognises it as robin's work. he doesn't report griffin for it since he's also a part of hermes, but he tries to give griffin a second chance to come up with his own, and griffin can't, so he fails. up until that point griffin had been trying to hide from robin how little he knew, so the look on robin's face when griffin next sees him is unbearable, like, the mix of pity and anger that griffin didn't tell him, the disappointment that griffin wasn't the connection to robin's culture he wanted, the guilt that robin let lovell rip someone else out of their home, and now griffin knows exactly what letting down an older brother feels like. but it all happens in the half second before robin squashes it all down and gets down to business because there are more important things to worry about and maybe it's good that can't get caught up in griffin's life like this. to quote eren: "i think the worst part to griffin would be that robin just treats it like a setback. like okay, that's one less tool for you to use, you'll have to make up for that deficiency somewhere, moving on, when he wants robin to react as though it's personal to him that griffin doesn't measure up because it should be, because griffin's not good enough for their father (and robin always rolls his eyes when griffin tries to claim lovell and griffin knows why but lies to himself that he doesn't) so he must not be good enough to this tarnished golden child, the prodigal son that lovell tried to recreate. but no, he's just slightly more ineffectual gear within the revolution now, that's a slight hiccup at best and not an entire childhood snatched away from a boy whose clearest memory of canton is the smell of sesame oil in a wok"

robin warns griffin about recruiting evie very early on, but doesn't tell him about letty or ramy for a long while because the wound is still fresh. griffin still persists, and robin is forced to whisk griffin out of babel after he kills evie. and he's just a mess whispering "you were right you were right im sorry im so sorry" because robin told him this could happen, but he let love and idealism cloud his judgments with evie, and robin has NEVER seen griffin like this, and any angry berating about griffin's stupid misjudgments die on his lips

griffin/anthony is so so very real. anthony is recruited by victoire separately, so griffin isn't even aware for a while and i think anthony actually held off on telling griffin bc of how close he was with sterling LOL. griffin and sterling had something insane going on at first, with sterling trying to be genuinely sympathetic to griffin's plight as an attempt to distinguish himself from his uncle's legacy, before the years drive them apart and griffin becomes aware that everything sterling conceded to him was merely lipservice. anthony and griffin get really close after they realise the other is already apart of hermes and post-evie as well. eren writes sterling as a critique of armchair radicals who see a sliver of violent liberation in practice and easily revert back into believing that the oppressed are savages. evie is a critique of white woman tears <3 i do believe she cries every time someone called her out for saying anything a little racist

yeah um there is way more and we both have comic/fic wips we're working on for the au but i will end this post here because it got so insanely long christ above. thank you so much for the question though i have soooo many thoughts about cohortswap au it's been absolutely taking over my brain

Character Ask Game

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

For Scott.

@janetm74 Thank you so much for the ask!

I will revisit a little meta I did on getting to know Scotty as a character and have some additions.

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways". I stumbled into TAG through Tumblr osmosis I think some time in the second half of Season 1 run. I remember liking the 2004 movie, and I zeroed in on the "missing Dad" part, but I was generally amiably "on the fence" and non-committal. Nice boys, overall. A little bit too much focus on "child hero" Alan (because it's a kids cartoon and you're an adult, duh!). I was dabbing into bits and pieces here and there, not having a full picture. Tunnels of Time drew my attention, because of the sheer DEVASTATION Scott demonstrated. The elder brother and in charge sans Dad - I was bound to pay attention. John was the character I am - an introverted "intellectual". But the Tall, dark, charismatic and going kinda recklessly nyoooom didn't hurt either. Then I came across Recharge. And it hit me like that Runaway train. My Dad died when I was 22 and I took over as head of the family, as my Mom checked out in grief. I'm fairly sure I GAVE THAT SAME SPEECH in the Arctic tent to someone at some point - I miss him, I HAVE TO DO IT ALL (and do it fast), keeping busy with IR the PhD/work/postdoc/more work is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. Verbatim. I'm still giving that speech sometimes. I saw a mirror of grief, self-worth issues and (non)coping mechanisms I recognized so much it was uncanny. So I knew these things: I've met yet another character that I know all too well what makes tick and will love forever - it's pretty much always the same character, give or take; the uppity Top Gun Flyboy persona is absolutely a facade - he's Tall, Dark, and Emotionally Compromised (hello there, sweetie!); I need to rewatch the earlier episodes keeping that in mind. And of course, Recharge (re)contextulizes everything - chasing a sizable city time and again to martyr himself for or to generally self-destruct, chasing Dad's shadow pretty much beyond the edge all but consciously (pretty candid for a kids show), going insane with a combo of worry, grief and guilt, keeping up the Next in Command mantle, sometimes just barely, the whole convo with Lee up to and including asking him to stay, the Chain of Command implications, the Hood's return implications, randomly adopting people and pushing them to be and do better. And just like that, I SAW Scott Tracy.

That was nine years ago, give or take. I've been through more losses, pressure of "command", responsibility, betrayal and just plain tragedy ever since. And every step of the way I feel I can relate to Scott more. The need to lift and inspire people to be their best selves - even when your own soul is writhing in pain and doubt. The crippling guilt over failure. The understated loneliness. The very unsubtle nonexistent concept of personal happiness. Being back in fandom also helped me explore (and confirm) and share lots of nuance about this character that I also felt were true. I wish for Scott a lot healthier emotional coping structure and support going on into his next decade than I got his age. He's my emotional support emotional wreck and disaster.